I’m pretty sure the captain of this ship hates us. This morning he was so hung over that he would only grunt and didn’t even tell us what we were going to be doing for the day. I believe we were supposed to stop in a town on one of the nights but I think he is keeping us in little deserted bays so we get bored and buy his booze. The ship moved maybe 3 kilometers today, yesterday when he said “bad weather” (slightly cloudy) wouldn’t let us stop where originally planned. I think his planned may have paid off for him, we were out of vodka by this point so we sat around drinking Efes all day and just sitting in the sun. Late in the afternoon when they dropped us off at a deserted beach that looked like someone’s front yard.
We spent the entire day bullshitting and hanging out until some time around eight we decided to drink our entire bottle of Raki (its awful by the way) in 5 minutes. 4 shots each and about 3 ½ minutes later our bottle was empty and we were about to be really drunk, which was good because we had been kind of bored all day. Once the Raki kicked in we became loud, offensive and a general all around pain in the ass to the crew. Who were inside and we were on the front deck.
We had been picking at our dessert (sliced apples and oranges), when I found one of the apples was slightly bad in the center so I began throwing the rotten slices into the Mediterranean, somewhere around this time Jasper and Akbar were laughing there asses off at something else I must of said and Akbar says “don’t throw the plate in the water”.
Now, in classic Rob style what else was there to really do other than throw the plate in the water?
So I grabbed it and heaved.
Now, all three of us were rolling around laughing our asses off like it was the funniest thing in the world. That is until the captain and crew came out giving us dirty looks and the first mate asked.
“Where is the plate” (probably all his English)
I quickly responded “you took it a little while ago” (hey you never know, I might be that sneaky)
The captain pointed at me and says “You throw” (accompanied by a series of throwing gestures)
Damn. He had been watching me. I was caught.
“To much Efes” I said hoping to blame it on the alcohol.
But he wouldn’t have it he wanted me to pay for the plate. I offered him 15 lire ($12 for a plain white plate), but he wouldn’t accept he wanted 50 lire ($40)! So in my drunken haze I threw down a 50 lire note just to get him to leave us alone.
But first Akbar had the balls to order another Efes!
Brought down slightly, we continued to giggle for the next hour over a plan to dive for the plate in the morning and try to get my 50 back. Not that we thought we’d get the money back, but it’s the principal of the thing.
I am sure the Captain hates us now, especially me. Well, I’ll tell you one thing, He’s not getting a tip when I get off this boat.