Time to go home, a week for me before Costa Rica, and back to pushing the last legal drug for Aaron, Matt and Chad. Lei Lani and Christina had somehow manage to miss their flight this morning (Lei Lani seems to have a knack for not getting on the plane on time (no offense Lei)), and all of the sudden Skittles was overflowing with people. There was no way we could all manage this ride home with six of us.
To everyone’s dismay, Matt didn’t finish the trip with us, or get to be in the California state sign. He found a ride with one of their other friends that was in Vegas who wasn’t leaving for a few hours. The rest of us were on a race against the clock because Aaron had to be at work at 4:15pm and Chad was only fifteen minutes behind that. After dropping off a still drunk Matt at the Wynn, I hit the pedal and hit the highway cruising eighty miles an hour all the way home.
I was home just before 3pm, and thus ended my American part of The World Tour. In just a few days (after I babysit my 2 and 4 year old nieces for three days while their mom and dad are in Hawaii) I will be heading to Costa Rica and bringing you, once more what you really care to see, me getting drunk in OTHER countries. Oh, yeah and probably some shots of beaches, rain forests, food, and stuff.
I for one am really excited to get back to where traveling is cheap.
My brother, Aaron, came into Vegas late last night to meet up with his friend Ian’s bachelor party. I thought I’d be for the best if I made my way to the Aladdin to see what kind of trouble they’ve been getting into. Also I wanted to possibly partake in any party that they may of had going on. Aaron (the other one), Matt and Chad wanted to meet up with some friends that they had invited to Vegas at the Wynn, and also had to get Aaron’s sister (Christina) and Lei Lani from the airport. We loaded into Skittles and they dropped me off to find my brother, while they went to find all their friends. We promised to meet up later.
I got to rooms 1407 and 1409, to find a room full of partially drunk guys who had just spent the morning drinking free Mimosa’s (OJ and champagne) with their buffet. This was on the right track so far, except for Pep, who thought it would be the best idea to have 14 Mimosa’s with breakfast, so he was kind of trashed. I said hello to my brother, got a drink, took a hit off of the vaporizer (a neat little machine that gives you all the THC without any of the smoke), and headed down to the pool to see about what kind of trouble we could get into this afternoon.
At the pool Aaron and I found the two most important things we had to buy before we could get in the water, sunblock and cocktails. We lathered each other up as the rest of the boys had already found a bachelorette party to crash on the far side of the pool. We spent the afternoon hanging out in the sun, drinking Ketel One and pissing off the Bride, who for some reason thought I’d be ok to keep taking my hat. I eventually dunked her in the water and Aaron called her a “Dumb bitch”, which I completely agreed with. The funny thing is she kept acting pissed off but would always come back, let us know how pissed off she was, then just stand around and talk to us while we pretty much ignored her. I will never understand women.
Before I knew it (and after six applications of SPF 30) we were back in the room getting ready for the night. Aaron had agreed to go with me to dinner with the Road Trip crew, then head back out with the party. Aaron and I had a couple of hours until the dinner reservations so we wandered around the strip drinking $2 you-call-it’s and playing a few hands of $20 blackjack, which I won at and immediately found the closest bar and drank away my winnings.
We all finally got together out front of the Wynn and headed across the street to Maggiano’s for some Italian family style dining and a little dancing. Dinner was an amazing assortment of food, and with there being 10 of us we could actually try quite a few things. After dinner we all were heading down the strip and eventually got lost in the crowds until it was just Aaron and I. I knew everyone else was heading to New York, New York to go to the piano bar so I just figured on catching up with them in a little while. Aaron wanted to get back to his party so we tried in vain to hail a cab. Eventually we were walking down the strip trying to hitchhike back to the Aladdin. After about 20 minutes of this a cab picked us up. $16 later we were through Saturday night traffic and back in the room with Aaron’s friends.
Pulp Fiction was playing on TMC and I layed on the bed for a little break while everyone else was finishing getting ready. Things faded for me quickly, and it was only 10pm.
When I woke up the room was empty. I glanced over at the clock and saw it was nearly two in the morning.
“Damn” I thought, “I just lost a whole night in Vegas.”
But just then I heard the redeeming accent of Sean Connery, teaching his Scottish friend what it meant to be a Immortal! What luck! I may not have a phone (remember I left it in a cab in Boston) or any way to get in contact with anyone in Vegas, and I may have just slept through my last night of the Road Trip, which was supposed to be a big hurrah, but The Highlander was on TV! How do I get so lucky!
I stayed up until 3:30 watching the epic battles and walked out of the hotel looking for a cab quoting “There can be only one!” (Although, to be honest, when I say it it is nowhere near as cool as when Sean says it). I found a cab, and $14 later I was at Matt’s dad house , where I was the first one to make it home. The night might not have been what I planned, but I realized good things do sometimes just happen. At least I left Vegas with some cash in my pocket.
So since we were staying with Matt’s dad, Kirk, and tonight was Kirks first night off work since we’ve been here, Matt wanted to make it a bonding day for him and Dad. We didn’t make any big plans (other than making it to the theatre to watch Will Ferralls new movie Talledega Nights), and spent most of the afternoon drinking, giving the dog beer, drinking from a funnel, and having a guys night in.
Centurion: A drinking game in which each player, armed with a shot glass, drinks a shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. After an hour and forty minutes each player that has succeeded in not throwing up or giving up will have consumed somewhere around 15 beers.
We decided, with no big plans for the day and a budget that has been hurting since New York, to spend our afternoon seeing if after this last month of training we could complete a Centurion. I had complete faith in myself, Aaron seemed to think I’d be the first out, Matt and Chad had strong thoughts on winning.
Chad and I left the house just before noon to find two sixty packs and four shot glasses. The beer was an easy find at the local Food-4-Less, but the shot glasses took us 7 stops and finally a trip out to the Las Vegas strip to find the worlds largest gift shop (seriously, its on their sign!)that sold assorted Vegas brick-a-brack and shot glasses. We made it back to the house with everything ready just after 1 o’clock. We all had a challenge and were mentally preparing for the onslaught that was coming.
We set up the clock, gathered around the coffee table in the living room, put on the Super Troopers DVD and were ready.
1:19pm (Local Vegas Time) – “Skol!” (Norwegian for “Cheers!”) and our first shots slid down into our belly.
1:38pm – 20 shots down and the buzz is starting to work it’s way into our day.
1:40pm – 22 shots and Aaron is starting to get a queasy look and complains about all the foam in his stomach.
1:41pm – As Matt, Chad and I drop our 23rd shots Aaron rushes to the kitchen sink for some projectile vomiting. Could very well have been one of the funniest sound I have ever heard.
1:44pm – Aaron has rinsed his mouth out and is playing catch up by slamming four in a row.
1:47pm – 29th shots and Aaron rushes to the sink again….(once again a hilarious sound echos from the kitchen)
1:50pm – Aaron concedes. We drink number 32.
2:11pm – Getting quite drunk, Matt and I power through shot 53 as Chad makes a mad rush to the bathroom. Another sound that is just as funny reverberates down the hallway.
2:15pm – Chad powers through five in a row to catch up, as Matt and I hold strong drinking number 57.
2:34pm – Shot number 76. The world has already starting to spin for us all and Aaron (his relative sobriety) has to keep an eye on the clock so we can stay on track of our goal.
2:49pm – 90 down and ten to go, we see our goal in sight. The minutes are flying by, with my lack of motor function it takes me most of the time between shots just to fill my next one.
2:52pm – We slam number 93 and Matt says “Fill mine, I have to pee before the next shot” He runs off to the bathroom. I fill both our glasses as I could hear Matt peeing down the hall, then all the sudden; “Blagghh….”
2:53pm – Matt comes back, shoots number 94 with us and admits “I was pissing, but once I saw the toilet I couldn’t keep it down. I threw up standing, while I was pissing.” I was impressed, he didn’t even miss a shot.
2:59pm – Still keeping myself under control, Matt, Chad and I cheers our 100th shot!
I never threw up, making me the victor and also the one with a late afternoon hangover. Matt and Chad came in second and third respectively, both managing to finish the mission even though they had a few digestive problems. I felt like I just won the beer drinking Olympics.
After about half an hour Chad and I decided we were hungry and wanted to wander the strip. We set off with about $70 bucks each and a two mile walk before us to get to the strip, we started walking in the 100 degree (40 c) weather until we got to an Arby’s and went inside to order a couple of Beef and Cheddar sandwiches. Chad’s phone rang. It was Matt and Aaron and they were on their way with Skittles to join us, we ordered two extra sandwiches and jump into Skittles. The next few hours flew by, but at some point Chad and I were left alone inside some casino playing craps and roulette, and drinking free goose and tonics.
After losing a little money we found a steakhouse (directly across from the tables) and had an amazing dinner of veal chops and ravioli. After dinner we made our way back outside where we were startled to find the daylight blind us.
“Really?!” I thought. “Is it really still daytime?! Dang.”
We walked up and down Las Vegas Blvd. for an hour or so and finally got a cab back to Matt’s dad’s house.
Another day where I was asleep by 10pm. At least I went to bed (or perhaps I should say floor) feeling like an Olympic Champion, even if I did lose a little money to the city of Las Vegas.
Startled from my sleep as Matt pulled the car off the road next to the Welcome to Utah sign, I noticed a beautiful sunrise coming up over the desert. We all got creative really quickly, shot one picture and loaded back in the car where I fell asleep again. The sleep was short lived before I was called up once again to drive our way the last 100 miles into Nevada where we shot another picture and changed drivers again for the home run into Vegas where we could sleep and recover from the dragging 24 hours of driving.
Once we finally did arrive at Matt’s dad’s house we quickly cleaned up and spent the rest of the day zoning out in front of the TV and eating Del Taco. Perfect ending to a long drive. I think I was asleep on the floor by 9pm completely satisfied with the hardwood floor and a blanket.
Getting up after noon, the four of us had agreed to do a 24 hour day of driving from Ceder Falls, Iowa to Las Vegas, Nevada where Matt’s dad lives, and we have another free place to stay. It was roughly 1800 miles and complete exhaustion for all off us. I was up to the challenge to drive first and go for as long as I could before I had to give up, I think this was because I was the “least” hungover from the night before.
We left Iowa at roughly 2pm.
I made it (with the help of 3 Red-Bulls) somewhere around thirteen hours, through Nebraska and partway into Colorado before I was too exhausted to drive any longer. The sun had gone down long before and I was gone as soon as I hit the back seat.
Waking up in some random Motel 6 somewhere in Illinois our goal for the day was to drive Skittles into Iowa to stay with one of Aaron’s marine buddies who was going to show us around a small town Iowa(ian?) night. We drove for a few hours before our first stop at a playground to teeter-totter, play King-of-the-Hill, tire swing, and jump off swings just like we were eleven again. Still trying to make it to Ceder Falls, Iowa with a few hours of daylight left, we abandoned our playground and piled back in Skittles to power through another four hours of driving before we arrived at our destination. We were introduced to Aaron’s rather racist (sadly) marine buddy, Skyler, who seemed to have a problem with everyone, but also had a large couch and a couple of empty rooms in his apartment.
With it only being just after 5, and the sun still a ways from setting, we bought some drinks and went off to a cheap local golf course to play a few holes. Before long it was almost dark and we were all slightly buzzed, we went back to Skyler’s apartment and showered to get ready for a night out. We hit up a couple of local clubs/bars and had a normal night out. Nothing to special, yet.
Just after last call we six (Matt, Aaron, Chad, Skyler, I and Sklyer’s other roommate), end up in an alley waiting for Skyler’s roommate’s girlfriend to pick us up in her Ford Taurus and take us back next to the apartment for some latenight snacks at the local convenience store. After eating, a very drunken Skyler starts talking all kinds of trash to just about everyone and about everyone. At some point he challenges me to an out door wrestling match at three in the morning. I had been taking it easy on the booze for most of the night and I easily outweighed him by fifty pounds, of course I agreed. I was just hoping he wasn’t some Marine wrestling champ or anything, otherwise I was ready to crush this little racist punk. It took me about 9 seconds to have him pinned. He came up surprised that I could handle myself at all.
“Rematch?” he slurred.
“Sure.” I replied.
He gave his all this time and lasted about 20 seconds before I locked him to the ground. As a good drunken bigot should, he started to get angry and tell me in a real fight he’d kick my ass.
I ignored him. By this point though, Aaron was ready to challenge me. I accepted just for fun. Aaron is much more level headed than his Iraqi fighting friend, but also much closer to my size and in much better shape. I was ready for a challenge and thought I may not win this one. I went right for Aaron and threw him off balance, once we hit the ground he lasted just a minute or two (hard to measure time when you’re wrestling) before, to both our amazement I had him pinned on the grass. Sometime I wow even myself.
Coming up on three o’clock and completely worn out with ending the night with wrestling we were thinking about heading off to bed. Just about then, Matt and I spotted four girls dressed in swimsuits and assorted beach wear wandering by, we quickly accosted them and got invites to some late night swimming in one of their friends pools. Chad and Aaron didn’t waste anytime and the eight of us were off walking into the dark for some late night swimming. Somewhere along the way the girls let us know that there friends didn’t actually know they were coming, and their “friends” were actually six guys who live in a house. The four of us look at each other and were all on our toes for trouble as we snuck into some random dudes backyard with some random chicks.
Getting in the pool we all covertly positioned our clothes and things for a rapid escape if needed, while the girls creeped inside and raided these guys fridge for beer for everyone.
Great, now I had snuck into a frat house’s pool and stole their beer, this can only turn out good (sarcasm). We swam around quietly for a while but eventually started making so much noise that anyone inside would have to wake up. After almost two hours, as we were getting dressed to leave, the only thing we could think of is that the people inside must have all thought it was one of there other roommates making all the noise. The only thing that saved us was probably the same thing that scared us, that six guys live in one hour.
Well, it turns out that one of our new lady friends was a hair stylist that invited Matt and I back to her house for 5am drunken haircuts. Slightly weirded out by letting some random drunk chick cut my hair at five in the morning, I followed along knowing that no matter what happened I could always shave it in the morning. What I couldn’t do though is ever replace the story of some chick I meant on the streets of Iowa at three in the morning cutting my hair with the sunrise. Aaron and Chad had turned back but Matt and I went with the girls to their house a few blocks away.
Matt whispered to me “You have to go first, I have to work next week and can’t have a shitty haircut.”
I agreed for fun.
She brought out all her tools and we to work on my head. Her hands worked with skill that quickly told me she knew what she was doing, I felt relieved. By the time she was done Matt had pretty much passed out on the couch and declined his haircut. I went into the bathroom to dust off the hair and check out her work. She actually did good, I would even let her do it again. We all went to the front of the girls house and watched the sunrise, and Matt and I staggered back to new racist friends apartment.
Leaving the country for a few hours we crossed into Canada to see Niagara Falls and have the most expensive meal at a chain diner of the whole trip. Loading back into Skittles we drove across a rainy Canada into Michigan (spending two hours getting back into the US) found a White Castle for dinner, then drove until one in the morning through Ohio, Indiana, and Illionis. We found a Motel 6 and passed out.
We have a few more days of driving like this if we can make it to Vegas for the weekend. I’ll try to be witty, but driving seems to dull my senses even more than drinking.
We left Boston heading into Maine, then about an hour later I realized I left my phone in the last cab we were in. Bummer. I called it a couple of times but no answer. No worries we kept driving, across New Hampshire, Vermont (where I found some fresh Vermont cheese), and New York finding a place to have some steak and a hotel somewhere just outside Niagara Falls.
Rather boring day, the only good news is that the cabbie called me back and said he’d mail my phone home for me.
First things first, I shaved off my civil war beard. It was fun for a day but I just can’t manage to look that white trash for more than one twenty four hour period at a time. Maybe I’ll grow it back in Cambodia and see how it works for me there.
Matt, Chad and I had to move today; we had Rex Sox tickets for tonight but the hostel (which was about 100 yards from Fenway park) was full for the weekend. We found a average little (over-priced) hotel in midtown, moved our bags, ate lunch, wandered abound Barnes and Noble bookstore for a while (where I bought a new book of course) and went back to the hotel for a little pre-game pool time and napping. We never actually made it to the pool, but the nap was amazing. Around four we grabbed a cab and went to check on Aaron and Lei Lani, to split them up (only had 4 tickets) and take Aaron along with us to the game. When we made it to the ballpark the streets were packed, it was like the circus had come to town, but it was only the Angels playing the Red Sox. All the bars surrounding the stadium were overflowing into the streets, and the streets in turn were covered with people selling everything from steak sandwiches & sausages(delicious!) to a complete Red Sox uniform. It was pandemonium, and it was wonderful fun!
After a few rounds at one of the bars, and a few assorted street snacks, we made our way into the stadium. There was rain on the forecast, but since we paid $80 each for the tickets on ebay, we were pushing our luck with fate and hoping for clear skies the rest of the night (or else we would be out $80). The boys grabbed a few more beers and we found our seats, all the way at the back of the covered ground level, Probably some of the worst seats in the park, but Fenway Park is such a small stadium that it really didn’t matter and the game was relatively close.
About 6:45pm we see an army of guys in red shirts and khaki shorts run onto the field with a gigantic rolled up tarp. They unroll and begin to cover the infield just as a massive boom of thunder crashes in the distance. Within seconds a deluge of water and gusting winds soaks everyone in most of the park, excepting us in our “bad” seats which were far enough under cover to keep us dry from all the blowing water.
A voice comes over the load speaker: “The storm is expected to last sixty to ninety minutes then blow over, the game will be delayed until the rain clears.” By this point most of the stands had cleared into the covered hallways below the stands and we thought with this amount of water there was no way the game would go on. We stayed, mainly because the had beer and we had payed so much for our tickets. Our spirits started to slump and the field started to turn into a lake.
Time slowly clicked away, but just after eight we started to see light on the horizon (literally) and the crowd started cheering. Within minutes the storm cleared as quickly as it had came and the army of guys in red shirts and khaki shorts came out to clean up the field and get ready for the game. By 8:45 the teams were warming up on the field and the crowd started to fill back in and by nine the stadium was once again, surprising, completely full of screaming Sox fans. As the Angels stepped up to bat I started screaming for them, getting the dirtiest looks from everyone around, but I’d be damned if I wouldn’t cheer for my home team. It was a great game and after all my encouragement the Angels won 8-3.
We stepped out of the stadium into a bar for a few more drinks before bed. After last call we had meant a Boston local who took us into Chinatown to have “cold tea” (which was actually beer served in a tea pot after it was last call for the rest of the city) and Chinese food. Matt, Chad and I piled into our cab and headed home to pass out after a long day.